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CCHL Champs Press Conference

-- 2 hours before the CCHL Championship Parade --


"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome our special guest host for this press conference..."


**Music starts blasting: **


HH - "Whatcha gonnnnnnna dooo brother when the Tampa Bay Lightning runnn willddddddd on you!?!? Well I guess we saw what they will do in these playoffs! I can tell ya one thing brother, those players ate their vitamins and said their prayers because that was a team of destiny. That was like me and the Macho Man when we were the Mega Powers. That was like when I teamed up with Ultimate Warrior. That was like the NWO. **Hulk today isn't about you** Oh sorry brother let me get back to the champs. Tampa Bay, I got three chairs up here, are you ready to meet our first two guests??? Let me introduce to you, none other than my two brothers, and leaders of the CCHL Champs, GM Mike Ostrom and Assistant GM Chad Scanlan"


** Sexy Sax Man comes out and plays **


AGMCS - "What a fuckin song to enter to. Just sounds like making love. In fact, that's the song we played after every playoff win when we were making love to the wives of the other teams. Memories."


Reporter - "Chad, when did you become AGM for the Lightning and what are your duties??"


AGMCS - "Ya know what's a lost art these days, investigative reporting. Big Mike over here hired me the day he started and you ding bats never even noticed. I'm surprised you found the door to this press conference! My duties are simple. I manage Mikes social media. I create some memes and gifs for him. I work his tinder. I make sure the players have all the social items they need. I tell Mike what trades not to make. It's not every day you have a tandem like us with so many finals appearances. I fake his signature for fan mail. It's a tough ass job that I get done from the beach. So I wouldn't mind if ya backed off. Before I hand it over for questions, which we will only take 3 because we are half in the bag and have a lot more to go, I'm going to pass it over to our fearless leader, the first 2 team/2 time champion, the holder of the best playoff record in one season in league history, GM Mike Ostrom"


GMMO - "Thanks Chad, you know when I took this job, I had to bring you in. The way you stacked those Flames teams back in the day and supplied them with all the candy they needed, I knew you would be a perfect fit for this star studded roster. You also handle the socials unlike any other. Thanks to the win, you get a 2 million dollar raise. Atta boy. Some people say I don't deserve this cup because it's not my team, and to them I say Chad's going to block you on Twitter. Sure I didn't build this core, but I got them the support pieces, the training, and the fuckin cocaine to power through the playoff like they did. They didn't sleep the whole time I kid you not. Sometimes it takes the smarter man not to blow the thing up, and just tweak what's right in front of you. Some key moves made this team the fuckin Globetrotters of the league, and it was amazing to watch. Those games already have more replays online than Mia Khalifa can even dream of. So ya, I'm proud of everything that team did, and il pat us on the shoulders as well for getting us over the mountain. Now you know I'm not fully evil right, and you are probably wondering why there is a third chair out here. Well I would love to welcome out as a showing of appreciation Mr Chris Bates"


** The Rolling Stones play **


GMMO - "Chris, you built one hell of a squad here and should have had a win of your own in past seasons. On behalf of the Team we want to thank you for your hard work, and on behalf of me I want to thank Simon T for causing you a mental breakdown and rage quit, it's the only way I got the gig. We would like to present you with your CCHL ring, a custom jersey with the name "Winner" on the back and the number 1/2, and a bobble head of Jack Eichel."


HH - "What a moment brother, that felt like the time at WrestleMania at the Superdome ** Ask the audience for questions Hulk! ** Oh right. We got time for 1-2-3 questions! See what I did there? First you baldy in the front."


Reporter - "Mike what's the chance you guys repeat again next year?"


GMMO - "Nothing harder to do. We are the fuckin best and everyone wants a piece. Every game someone will try to hurt us. Plus we're gonna be on a bender all fuckin summer so the start of the season will be messy too. But let me tell you, if we make the playoffs, Chad has our dealer on "speed" dial." ** Chad winks and gives the hand pistol gesture**


HH - "Question 2 goes to cleavage over along the side"


Reporter - "What's the biggest tip you can give to other GMs in the league?"


GMMO - "Be patient, don't panic, find what works and work it. Also don't have a shit roster. Want to know about the tip I can give you?"


HH - "Final question, jacked looking guy in the middle"


Reporter - "Do you plan on signing any big max deal contracts soon, and do you have another position open?"


GMMO - "Sumit is that you?? Of course you can have a job on my team my man. Def not Director of Cap Compliance, but I think we need a new team photographer after those recent pics got leaked. Talk to Chado and we will get you all set up. Alright folks, were off to get plastered, see you next season!!"

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Season 13 Bold Predictions

Quick shout-out to Russ for making the off season fly by with minimal headaches. With that being said its time for my bold predictions for this season. Starting in the east

1. New Jersey 2. Tampa 3. NYI 4. Quebec 5. Washington 6. Boston 7. Carolina 8. Toronto 9. Columbus LOL 10. Ottawa 11. Pittsburgh 12. Montreal 13. Detriot 14. Buffalo 15. Philly 16.NYR

Takeaways from the east: Ottawa will struggle with Staal trying to replace Crosby, Rangers easily finish 16th as their roster is a tire fire, Columbus fades down the stretch to finish 9th, NJ easily wins the presidents trophy and could set the CCHL regular season points total, Carolina finally gets the simon T make a wish playoff appearance. Now lets do the West.

1. Vegas 2. Colorado 3. LA 4. Anaheim 5. Chicago 6. Nashville 7. Vancouver 8. Calgary 9. St. Louis 10. Dallas 11. Seattle 12. Arizona 13. Winnipeg 14. San Jose 15. Edmonton 16. Minnesota

Take aways from the Weaker West. Who cares.. GO EAST GO 

Stanley cup Final: Tampa vs Anaheim with Tampa winning and repeating in 5 games. 

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Season Predictions

Atlantic Division 

1)Tampa 2) Ottawa 3) Quebec 

Metro Division 

1) New Jersey 2) Washington 3) Carolina 

Wildcards  1) Boston 2) Columbus 

Russ Walsh Divison 

1) Chicago 2) St. Louis 3) Nashville 

Pacific Division 

1) Calgary 2) LA  3) Vegas

Wildcards 1) Colorado 2) Vancouver 

Stanley Cup Final 1) New Jersey vs Calgary (New Jersey wins 4-2)

GM of the Year : Steph Villneauve 

League MVP: Steven Stamkos 

Norris: Drew Doughty 

Vezina: Darcy Kuemper

Playoff MVP: Taylor Hall 



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Change (In the house of Bee's)

Boston, Mass

The Bruins are Deftones fans. They play their song's before and after most games. This is not news to anyone. They LOVE them. However after game 4 of their opening round series vs Quebec, which ofcourse was the finishing touch on being swept into the offseason, the B's had a certain song on repeat. A Deftones song no less. Change (In the house of flies). A mega hit for the NuMetal rockers off 2000's White Pony. Maybe it wasn't playing from their deathly quiet locker room but its fair to say it was ringing in the ears of management and players as they embarked on a longer than expected summer. I mean, its a great song but man were the Bruins hoping for more. Thus, changes were made. Starting with multi Norris trophy winner Erik Karlsson. He returns to Ottawa as the Bruins welcome back Torey Krug and add top six winger Tomas Tatar. The B's feel Krug isn't far off the player EK was for them. The newly rerated McAvoy will also look to cement himself as the new leader on D. Tatar finalizes a top six group that was always one scorer short. The feel good reunion with Milan Lucic is the other game changing trade GM Grant pulled the trigger on early. Losing a young scorer in DeBrusk wasn't ideal but adding Lucic improves the B's immediately.  The bottom six got revamped almost completely via trades, buyouts and FA. The early and unexpected retirement of Tuukka Rask is what leaves the Bruins the most vulnerable however. Linus Ullmark and Andrew Hammond will look to split starts between the pipes. Its a big transition year and time will tell ofcourse but change in the house of...Bee's..was expected.

IN: Torey Krug, Tomas Tatar, LUCIC, JVR, Chris Wagner, Gabriel Dumont, Byron Froese, Petr Straka, AJ Greer,  Andrej Sekera, Matt Grzelcyk, Andrew Hammond

OUT: Erik Karlsson, Tuukka Rask, Jake DeBrusk, David Perron, Nate Schmidt, Jack Dougherty, Nick Bonino, Adam McQuaid, Chris Terry, Miles Wood, Tomas Nosek, Craig Smith

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Chris Bates On 30th July / 7:57pm :

Best of luck to my fav NHL and second CCHL team!

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NHL Predictions

Here are some bold predictions for this upcoming season.

Season Standings:

Atlantic: 1) Ottawa 2) Tampa Bay 3) Boston

Metro: 1) New Jersey 2) Pittsburgh 3) Carolina

Wild Cards: Washington / Detriot 

Central: 1) St. Louis 2) Nashville 3) Chicago 

Atlantic: 1) Vegas 2) Edmonton 3) Calgary

Wild Cards: Anaheim / Los Angeles 

Presidents Trophy: Vegas Golden Knights (weak west) 

Stanley Cup Final: Ottawa vs Vegas / Ottawa wins 4-3 

Playoff MVP: JT Miller 

Regular Season Awards: 

Season MVP: Brad Marchand

Norris: Shea Weber

Vezina: Jake Otteniger

Calder: Filip Zadina 

GM of the year: Stefan (EDM)

Lottery Winner: Minnesota 



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