-- 2 hours before the CCHL Championship Parade --
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome our special guest host for this press conference..."
**Music starts blasting: https://youtu.be/eX_k5_egUAo?si=HLwP5SkOOZrZIe8m **
HH - "Whatcha gonnnnnnna dooo brother when the Tampa Bay Lightning runnn willddddddd on you!?!? Well I guess we saw what they will do in these playoffs! I can tell ya one thing brother, those players ate their vitamins and said their prayers because that was a team of destiny. That was like me and the Macho Man when we were the Mega Powers. That was like when I teamed up with Ultimate Warrior. That was like the NWO. **Hulk today isn't about you** Oh sorry brother let me get back to the champs. Tampa Bay, I got three chairs up here, are you ready to meet our first two guests??? Let me introduce to you, none other than my two brothers, and leaders of the CCHL Champs, GM Mike Ostrom and Assistant GM Chad Scanlan"
** Sexy Sax Man comes out and plays https://youtu.be/9fqsukliGYw?si=H5sLrq-oLxDXkGpk. **
AGMCS - "What a fuckin song to enter to. Just sounds like making love. In fact, that's the song we played after every playoff win when we were making love to the wives of the other teams. Memories."
Reporter - "Chad, when did you become AGM for the Lightning and what are your duties??"
AGMCS - "Ya know what's a lost art these days, investigative reporting. Big Mike over here hired me the day he started and you ding bats never even noticed. I'm surprised you found the door to this press conference! My duties are simple. I manage Mikes social media. I create some memes and gifs for him. I work his tinder. I make sure the players have all the social items they need. I tell Mike what trades not to make. It's not every day you have a tandem like us with so many finals appearances. I fake his signature for fan mail. It's a tough ass job that I get done from the beach. So I wouldn't mind if ya backed off. Before I hand it over for questions, which we will only take 3 because we are half in the bag and have a lot more to go, I'm going to pass it over to our fearless leader, the first 2 team/2 time champion, the holder of the best playoff record in one season in league history, GM Mike Ostrom"
GMMO - "Thanks Chad, you know when I took this job, I had to bring you in. The way you stacked those Flames teams back in the day and supplied them with all the candy they needed, I knew you would be a perfect fit for this star studded roster. You also handle the socials unlike any other. Thanks to the win, you get a 2 million dollar raise. Atta boy. Some people say I don't deserve this cup because it's not my team, and to them I say Chad's going to block you on Twitter. Sure I didn't build this core, but I got them the support pieces, the training, and the fuckin cocaine to power through the playoff like they did. They didn't sleep the whole time I kid you not. Sometimes it takes the smarter man not to blow the thing up, and just tweak what's right in front of you. Some key moves made this team the fuckin Globetrotters of the league, and it was amazing to watch. Those games already have more replays online than Mia Khalifa can even dream of. So ya, I'm proud of everything that team did, and il pat us on the shoulders as well for getting us over the mountain. Now you know I'm not fully evil right, and you are probably wondering why there is a third chair out here. Well I would love to welcome out as a showing of appreciation Mr Chris Bates"
** The Rolling Stones play https://youtu.be/Ef9QnZVpVd8?si=9gXDu1mY-bVfsa9B **
GMMO - "Chris, you built one hell of a squad here and should have had a win of your own in past seasons. On behalf of the Team we want to thank you for your hard work, and on behalf of me I want to thank Simon T for causing you a mental breakdown and rage quit, it's the only way I got the gig. We would like to present you with your CCHL ring, a custom jersey with the name "Winner" on the back and the number 1/2, and a bobble head of Jack Eichel."
HH - "What a moment brother, that felt like the time at WrestleMania at the Superdome ** Ask the audience for questions Hulk! ** Oh right. We got time for 1-2-3 questions! See what I did there? First you baldy in the front."
Reporter - "Mike what's the chance you guys repeat again next year?"
GMMO - "Nothing harder to do. We are the fuckin best and everyone wants a piece. Every game someone will try to hurt us. Plus we're gonna be on a bender all fuckin summer so the start of the season will be messy too. But let me tell you, if we make the playoffs, Chad has our dealer on "speed" dial." ** Chad winks and gives the hand pistol gesture**
HH - "Question 2 goes to cleavage over along the side"
Reporter - "What's the biggest tip you can give to other GMs in the league?"
GMMO - "Be patient, don't panic, find what works and work it. Also don't have a shit roster. Want to know about the tip I can give you?"
HH - "Final question, jacked looking guy in the middle"
Reporter - "Do you plan on signing any big max deal contracts soon, and do you have another position open?"
GMMO - "Sumit is that you?? Of course you can have a job on my team my man. Def not Director of Cap Compliance, but I think we need a new team photographer after those recent pics got leaked. Talk to Chado and we will get you all set up. Alright folks, were off to get plastered, see you next season!!"